Torpid, turgid and pusillanimous - what a fine set of adjectives to describe my blog - and not all wholly inappropriate.

For the uninitiated (not the uninterested , you can move on to the real content - if only there was some), the words roughly translate as lethargic/apathetic, tediously pompous or overblown and cowardly/lacking resolve.

All apply to me - how convenient!

Strangely enough as part of my extensive research I discovered that Turgid The Vile is the name of a level 74 elite NPC to be found in Dragonblight, part of the World of Warcraft.

I dont expect you to rush out and buy the game dear readers (OK reader then) but I just might if tonight's tv is anything to go by.

Greetings from Mrs T (not Thatcher!). Get a life Paul, or find something decent to write about!

Not sure why I found this amusing. Perhaps the fact that it was on a toilet wall at the Cross-in-Hand garage where I stopped for a McSh*t on the way to Brighton this morning (it wasnt a proper McS....as I didnt get anything to eat, just shamelessly used the facilities). As they didnt have a bidet, the mind boggles as to how they deliver the service! I wouldnt want to

have my bottom washed in the great outdoors (not again!). Am currently reading the Kindly Ones (a 980 page gift from Mum and Dad) - its pretty heavy going and there is masses of detail but its quite compelling. I hope I can make it through it and definitely deserve a bit of lighter reading relief afterwards. Apart from the effect it is likely to have on my persona spending months ploughing through this ghastly story (although it has the feel of authenticity and it really is interesting hearing history told from a different perspective) the damage it is doing to my book holding wrist is incalculable - its so damn heavy and cumbersome! Shall have to try some wrist excercises to counter the effects (doing plenty of that these days). Oh well!

Third Chance Saloon

Just wanted to mention a new word I thought up the other day - 'Threequel' - its like a sequel but the third one, often characterised by how far the idea has gone downhill since the original (much like this blog). For example, Rocky Three or Rambo 3 were both 3quels (for use in txts - by the way, I have trademarked this Mr Cowell), as was Friday the 15th - just checking you are still awake.

This leads on to a related word - Weakwel - an obviously unequal, poor quality follow on, like the second Kasabian album.

Or how about 'I'm his Geekwel' - meaning I can also watch free porn or football matches on illegal streams without crashing my laptop - or should it be 'Geekqual' - one for the cunning linguists to debate en masse.

Have a nice day emjay!

2nd album blues

You know what they say about the 2nd album or film (sequel - more likely unsequel) - new word for a shit follow up to a one (s)hit wonder?

Even I am appalled by the above sentence. I hope a certain English teacher never gets to see it or I go down even further in her guesstimation.

I think what I'm trying to say is that whilst my first blog lacked content - anyone reading this rather weak follow up certainly wont lack discontent.

I havent really had much to say recently - demise of hips? - seems like ancient history now. Selling the flat? - I am taking the money and running. Gloating over Spurs season? - pride comes before a fall. World cup? - no chance (please prove me wrong!).

Off to Donington for the heavy rock festival on Sunday - one of life's 'must do' experiences to tick off. Porcupine Tree are on early (5.30) so I should just about make it with a couple of packs of paracetamol.

New word and an old favourite:

Le Pétomane, was the stage name of the French flatulist (professional farter) and entertainer Joseph Pujol (June 1, 1857 - 1945). He was famous for his remarkable control of the abdominal muscles, which enabled him to fart at will. His stage name combines the French verb péter, "to fart" with the -mane, "-maniac" suffix, which translates to "fartoholic". The profession is also referred to as "flatulist", "farteur", or "fartiste". Obviously fartiste is a wonderful word which should be in much more common usage. I remember a tv drama (I think called le petomane, starring Leonard Rossiter of Reginald Perrin Fame. Perhaps a (weak) link can be made between wind inducing food like condensed milk and Sun(don't)shine desserts.

On to the more challenging word: synecdoche (rhymes with dosh and synec sounds almost the same as sine - Latin for without - so synecdoche could be used to mean penniless - ie, sorry mate, I'm synecdoche - guaranteed to procure a free drink in a pub) - somehow I dont think its likely to catch on, except amongst the glorious few: meaning: me).

It really means a kind of metaphor in which a part is used to mean the whole; for instance, we use the expression "ten hands" for ten working men, or ten sails for ten ships - those were on the internet so I take no credit - though no doubt I shall be up all night trying to think of another way of slipping the word into conversation. Of course, I could just say: 'Have you seen the Charlie Kaufman film Synecdoche New York? - its sooo overindulgent and hollow, whilst simultaneously audacious and provocative', although that line cant be repeated indefinitely without seeming like a pretentious twat.

For the time being I'll stick with the line 'I may be synecdoche, but I am a great fartiste'

I bid you good night.

losing my virginity

Just dipping my toe in the water to see how it works. Not yet ready for bed - Taxi Driver is on TV in the background - a young and skinny De Niro. Not feeling especially good about the world so maybe I can blog myself to sleep (blog as an abbreviation for bedlog?) - I guess it beats eating myself into a soporific state then waking up in the middle of the night with heartburn.Speaking of which, my current 4 - 5 am read is Black Dogs by Ian McEwan. Its promising but hasnt completely 'got going' yet - style wise its sort of 'english dispassionate' I suppose many of his are (Atonement and Chesil Beach spring to mind). I suppose a worthwhile objective as a blogger (if I cant think of anything worthwhile to write about) would be to stretch myself linguistically - I just googled to see if there was a noun for soporific and was offered the etymology, so I looked up etymology (the study of the history and development of words) and wondered what the etymology of etymology is - I bet someone has been here before! There must be some interesting examples of 'double wording' - the meaning of meaning and the opposite of opposite are ones that spring to mind. Taxi Driver has finished so onto 8 out of 10 cats - like Jimmy Carr's wicked uberbitchy humour - if he writes it - does he wear eyeliner?

Thats enough for tonight - technical incompetence may mean that this never sees the light of day anyway.